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— Book 1. Twilight:
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Edward:
Hey.
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Bella:
OMG, I'm so silly. And horny.
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Edward:
Yes. I'm dangerous. I sparkle.
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Bella:
OMG you're a vampire!
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Edward:
Yes. Let's go play baseball.
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James:
I like your girl, Edward. Gotta eat her.
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Edward:
Roar.
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James:
Omnomnom Bella.
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Bella:
OMG I'm screaming in agony! Yes, I will be a vampire!
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Edward:
I'm gonna kill you, James! I'm gonna suck Bella as well.
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Jacob:
Oh, hi there!
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— Book 2. New Moon:
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Edward:
Oops, gotta go.
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Bella:
OMG don't leave me! OMG I'm so depressed and dying in agony again.
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Jacob:
Oh hi there! I'm a semi-naked shape-shifter! (I mean, a werewolf!)
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Bella:
OMG I don't miss Edward anymore, I love you Jake!
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Alice:
Edward is gonna kill himself!
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Bella:
OMG no! BRB Jake, you're not important anymore.
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Edward:
I'm going to do the worst ever. I will sparkle Italians to death.
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Volturi:
You suck.
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Bella:
OMG leave him alone!
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Volturi:
OK, leave now bitches.
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Jacob:
I love you, Bella.
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Bella:
OMG I love Edward more, bye!
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— Book 3. Eclipse:
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Victoria:
I'm back, bitch! I'ma cut you!
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Bella:
OMG no!
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Edward:
I'ma protect you, dinner! (I mean, Bella)
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Jacob:
I want to kill her too!
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Riley:
I will kill you!
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Bella:
OMG I'm frozen!
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Edward:
Shit I'm so cold and can't get you hot.
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Jacob:
Move on bitch, I will warm this whore.
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Victoria:
You missed me bitches?
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Edward:
I killed James, you twat! Now you're dead!
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Bella:
OMG kiss me Jake! Kay, gotta go I'm marrying Edward.
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— Book 4. Breaking Dawn:
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Edward:
I don't want to fuck you, Bella. Marry me first.
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Bella:
Shit, okay.
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Jacob:
My heart is broken!
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Bella:
OMG and so is my water! I've been prego for 3 days and now my baby is ready to go!
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Edward:
Oh no, a monster!
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Renesmee:
I'ma kill you, mom :3
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Volturi:
We're gonna kill that bitch, she's a monster.
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Bella:
OMG finally I'm a vampire now! I'ma protect ma man and ma family and some other random bitches.
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Volturi:
Fine, you won.
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Jacob:
Bella I never loved you. I wanna fuck your daughter.
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